Let Me Tell You about My Friend (and Sister-in-law) Carla Turner

If I said in a little over forty years from now, something you’ve always needed would come into your life; no doubt you’d probably try to stick around long enough to see if I was right. That’s pretty much what happened to JR Turner. He waited for over forty years and then the right woman came along; and in 2001, he married her. April 1st (no wise cracks) is her birthday.

Her name is Carla Turner and since JR is my wife’s brother, she is my sister-in-law; and now, close friend. She strode into our group of friends without knowing what there was to fear, which is the best way to stride in really; and honestly, what is there to fear? We are an easy group to be around if you don’t mind being kidded for every single flaw you have, every little mistake you make, every little quirky habit you have and every time you can’t take kidding.

Carla talks to you like you're on the platform and the train she's on is pulling away; and that would be okay, because you could always mull over what she said after the train left; only there is no train, she's just talking fast and it always seems to be time for the next sentence.

When you look into the life histories of most of my close friends and relatives, it appears to be a competition for the most profound story of hardship; a mother widowed here, a nine-year old losing her father there, a helicopter crash over yonder, a father at Pearl Harbor on that fateful day. Carla competes well with her car-wreck tragedies, moonshining relatives and life lived by the Ohio river. You really don't want to get any of us started.

Carla's husband, my wife's brother, is not on Facebook or I'd tell you about him. Suffice it to say, everything about him says: I'll never change, except for his history of changing to accommodate those he loves and we all can see how much he has been changed by Carla. He now loves cats, tolerates a house full of teapots, and after living with only people his age for decades, has been an awesome stepfather.

I get grief from my wife for being the only vegan who does not really like animals. My usual retort is to say, I may not want to pal around with them, but at least I don’t eat them. Carla, on the other hand, loves animals; cats alive, and most other animals cooked and on her plate. Her love for cats is legendary.

I have never been a cat lover and honestly, I have never understood cats (or their lovers); except as they can help keep down the rat population. Most cats stare too much, seeming to have a hidden agenda; an agenda I have no real desire to know. Who knows, they may be thinking: if I were only larger, smarter, and more athletic; I would be killing and eating these silly two-legged creatures. At least dogs seem to respond when we talk to them, wag their tail gleefully when we come back home and play games of fetch with us. Cats are more like giant bugs than entertaining animals.

Unless I miss my guess, I now have Carla right where I want her; mad at me and ready to give a piece of her mind - at the speed of light. The good news is, she will not see me today or tomorrow or Sunday, her birthday, and she may well have calmed down once she does see me.

Now to make her feel bad for being mad; Carla, as you know, JR is dear to us all, so for you to pass our approval process and be accepted so quickly, was quite a feat. As you know, we are not an easy group to enter so late in our existence. Heck, I get the feeling, some of the gang likes you better than they do JR by now. So, you go girl, you talk as fast as you want to and collect all the cats and teapots you want, because you are a certified member of THE GANG!

And Happy Birthday, you April fool!