Fast Facts about Kirk Evans
His first name is Phillip
He looked like Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky) for about five to ten years
His father was on board the USS Tennessee in Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941
His mother worked as an assistant to Barry Bingham at the Courier Journal and then Churchill Downs, home of the Kentucky Derby, for many years
When he played third base he looked a lot like Graig Nettles
He likes to ham it up, but don’t let him fool you, he can sing
He repairs and improves houses, in particular basements, so well; he should have his own TV show
He could have given Casey Kasem a run for his money with his knowledge of music
He can navigate a city, whether he knows it well or not, like he has his own internal GPS system
His capacity to give romantic gifts is legendary (and puts the rest of us to shame)
Here is my little tribute to him on his birthday, December 24th.
[Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing with the Jasmine in my mi-ah-i-a-ine]
In the Fall of 1975 Kirk Evans moved back to Kentucky from Denton, Texas where he had attended North Texas State University. When he arrived at Morehead State University, a clerical error made him, instead of me, Raleigh Kincaid’s roommate that semester. He impressed Raleigh with his ping-pong skills -better than mine, and his inattention to housekeeping - worse than mine. I was tidy compared to them both, as I recall.
[Does anybody really know what time it is, does anybody really care…]
After the roommate issue was resolved in January, we remained friends by frequenting the Baptist Student Union. Like most of the rest of our now long-standing friends, you could catch Kirk at the BSU from noon on, most days from Fall, ‘75 until Fall, ‘78. Kirk scheduled most of his classes in the morning so they would not interfere with his social life (afternoons and evenings) or sleep (mornings).
[I guess my feet know where they want me to go, walking on a country road…]
Although technically in Kentucky, Louisville is not part of Appalachia. People east of a line from Cincinnati to Bowling Green are more like people from Indiana or Missouri, talking without a hickish accent, dancing in public, going to State Fairs, and looking down their noses at people from Eastern Kentucky. Somehow Kirk, Louisvillian, wound up at Appalachian Morehead. He was street to my dirt road, ghetto to my trailer park, super fly to my small town.
[Teacher, leave those kids alone…]
After student teaching in social studies, Kirk opted to not teach, fearing the harm he might do a kid who gave him lip; though now, his daughter teaches brilliantly in a challenging inner-city school; making me wonder how a parent of such smart and socially-adept children, would not have been a great teacher himself.
[Oh very young what will you leave us this time, you’re only dancing on this earth for a short while…]
During 2004-06, Nathan, Kirk and Nancy’s son, lived with us while finishing his last two years at Union University, which happens to be in our adopted hometown of Jackson, Tennessee. Having Nathan in our house was a gift of Evans’ perspective, namely that: (1) irony is everywhere and needs pointing out, (2) things are funniest when people take them seriously, and (3) the funniest thing is how seriously some people take themselves.
For example, if Nathan’s favorite team is down big, he likes to say: “We got ‘em right where we want ‘em.”
We still have a room in our house called: “Nathan’s room”.
[I write the songs that make the whole world sing, I write the songs of love and special things…]
Here are some activities I have shared with Kirk, during which he sang, mainly songs from the 1970s: funeral-home visitations, wedding rehearsals and weddings, home-repair projects, various sports, driving in vehicles, sitting on chairs/couches, lying on the floor (me, not him), cooking, doing the dishwasher, other forms of cleaning, running a tenth of a mile together at the end of a marathon wherein he was asked to deliver the sign I had prepared for my wife (The Theme from Rocky was his chosen song on that occasion), holiday get-togethers, and many others.
Activity I shared with Kirk when he did not sing: funerals.
[Let me be your salty dog, or I won’t be your man at all, honey let me be your salty dog]
I defy anyone to stump Kirk with a question regarding the Andy Griffith Show. He knows other trivia (think Cliff Clavin of Cheers), but the Andy Griffith Show is his specialty. His fascination with things Appalachian may come from being an outsider. For me, shows like Andy and the Beverly Hillbillies hit too close to home.
[This is major Tom to ground control, I’m stepping through the door…]
Kirk pulls for a basketball team referred to as the little brother of my team. I will not name his team much as he would not get on Facebook and tell people I had lice or a STD. [The Health Information Privacy Act (HIPA) covers medical information and I believe there should be something called SIPA for sports information.] A few years back the coach at the school I root for decided to go to the school he cheers for (after coaching a while in the pros). I was glad his team got our former coach, since I figured he would bring them back to prominence and thus bring joy to my friends. It has not happened, but I really did want it to.
[Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I’ll be watching you…]
Kirk is the speech policeman of our group of friends. His rules are: speak clearly, enunciate every word, get your facts straight, give the story a rousing punch line, and keep it brief. If you break a rule, Kirk will make you wonder why you considered opening your mouth.
For example, a group member says, “Last Friday morning I got up and went to work and…”
Kirk: “Oh, I would of thought you could have gone to work without getting up…”
All laugh, the speaking group member looks around for someone not laughing, for an ally, finding none, he or she proceeds with greater caution…
“Anyways…”
Kirk: “Is it anyways or anyway? Does anyone know? I say anyway, what do you say J?”
JR: “I believe anyway is correct.”
Kirk: “Phil?”
Phil: “Anyway? It depends, I’m lucky to think of either one, anyways.”
Talking group member: “Okay, sorry… so I was getting ready for work and I put a piece of toast in the toaster…”
Kirk: “Oh… huge mistake, if your bread was already toasted, toasting it again would burn it.”
All laugh… the talking group member looks around for sympathy…this time somebody appears ready to help…
Helpful friend: “I think we all know what [s/he] meant…keep going, we want to hear your story”
Kirk: “Let’s take a vote, do I hear a motion in favor of letting this story go on with all its problems? No… hearing none, the story is tabled until the speaker can tell the fixed version. Next?”
[Muskrat, Muskrat, candle light, doing the town and doing it right in the evening…]
If you want to see a Vaudeville-level comedy routine, spend time with Kirk, Nancy, Lindsey and Nathan.
You will see a riff of mock insults, play slaps, dance routines [usually a version of the River Dance by Kirk, to see Kirk dance go to this link: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=516414620642], pretend threats and funny one-liners, not so much from Nancy, as she is usually audience, referee, straight person, or bewildered onlooker. [Nancy is funny too, just more subtle.]
They will build a humor fortress, invisible as an electric fence and just as shocking if you stick your nose in. Those of us closest to them, love their verbal and physical dexterity and realize they have earned the right to spontaneously retreat to their private club; created, I theorize; out of necessity over a decade ago when a member of their family got the sort of medical news (remember HIPA, so I can’t be specific) no family should ever get. They ALL survived with their faith stronger and their bond – you just try to break it.
[I would like you to dance—Birthday, Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance—Birthday, Dance]
Happy Birthday Kirk Evans
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